Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Psychology 101: the meeting

I just got finished with my half-way point meeting. The Off-Campus Learning Experience director meets with you for 15 minutes, reads over your journal, and talks to you about it. 
Couple of things happened.
I made her cry.
Which made me cry.
But it was more like "tearing up"
not hardcore crying.
But still.
She said my journals were really good.
And, yes, I feel a slight satisfaction in that,
but those pages were filled with my lament of the brokenness that I've seen these past 7 weeks...
so the good feeling doesn't last for that long.

...but she gave me the option of switching volunteer places.
I could go work with the pre-K kids instead.
She said she could tell that Cardinal Hill was taking an emotional toll on me and that I'd learned a lot. She said if I wanted to, I could do something else.

wow. I could be free from my horrible Fridays. I dread going there. I would have a lot more fun with the little kids...

but my "responsibility" strength kicks in.
It's like I owe these people something.
They deserve my time.
They deserve someone who will stick it out.
Maybe it shouldn't be about how I feel. 

But I could leave! oh, I could be free!
ah!

I don't know what to do. :(