What a Test Taught Me About Grace

I didn't study. I blew it off. I looked at the loooong list of terms and concepts I was supposed to have memorized and realized the output didn't match the possible input I was about to put into studying. The A wasn't worth it. So I didn't study. Which, for me, is kinda crazy. A HUGE test over 13 chapters, and I didn't study. After I'd decided not to study, God presented an opportunity for me to spend time with one of my roommates, getting to know her more. Not studying was worth it for that. I accepted that I would probably get a C on the test. I'd done enough of the work, that I didn't think I'd completely get an F. I took the test. I did awful. There were only a handful that I really knew the answer to. But the back page was extra credit asking us to list things we learned that weren't on the test. I filled that baby up. :) I did learn a lot, promise. I honestly thought I'd be getting a C. I was okay with that, even. Today, I looked. My grade for the test was a 102%. Crazy. The class did so bad on the test as a whole, that he ended up curving it. And since the highest grade missed 20 points, he curved it 20 points. Plus I had extra credit. I didn't do the work to deserve an A. I'm still kinda in shock about it. That A isn't mine, really. But I have it. I even sort of feel like I should give it up, go to the professor and say, "Look, I didn't study. This A doesn't reflect my work. You can have it back. I'll take a low B, that'd be closer." But it made me think about grace. I view grace like that. Even though I know in my head it's mine due to no merit of my own, I still try to work so that maybe in my own head, I could "deserve it." And I try to give it back when I don't feel like I deserve it. There have been times in the past where I wouldn't take communion because I felt like I wasn't right with God enough to take it. Within the past year though, I'm coming to realize that the beauty of communion and what it represents means that I should take it even if I don't feel deserving of it... because THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT. I don't have to be holy to come to the table of God. It's impossible. My labor is futile if I do it to earn merit. And it's crazy. It doesn't make sense. Someone who deserves a D and gets an A doesn't make logical sense. But "the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair" [Relient K]