on matters of the heart

So, I've been in this weird romantic mood lately. Gah, I hate it when I get like this because it messes with my emotions. Hevean forbid I actually express emotion. Anyway, I go through phases or weeks where I just dwell on being single. I've chosen to be single for the past 18 years of my life, and I am proud of that. I saw the destruction and brokeness premature relationships caused in the lives of my peers and friends. I never wanted that for myself. But now, I've stepped into a whole different rhelm. Instead of break-ups and teenage pregencies, I hear about engagements and weddings. It's a mental shift I haven't made yet. I mean, I'm barely of an adult age. ah. 

I will wait.

God, forgive my impatience.

Even among those to whom I belong

I feel isolated

and different.

So many rings and stories of weddings

so many who have found it.

But I will wait.

He is out there somewhere.

God, let him find me.

Don't let him pass me over.

Let my heart be ready, 

because right now, it's not.

So I will wait. 

A trial of patience and trust.

Your plan. Your will.

Protect my heart until then.

Shield it from the unnecessary.

God, help me wait.

I'm pretty sure I'm not ready for any relationship that has anything more than friendship in mind, but slowly, as I'm getting older, the pressure for a significant other becomes more and more overwhelming. I look at the committed couples around me, and I say, "Wow, I want whatever it is they have." It actually makes me think about how seekers should view us believers. We have a committed relationship with a God who loves us more than anything, but are they saying that to themselves? "Wow, I want whatever it is they have." Hm... I dunno. I don't think they are. Maybe it's because we're too wrapped up in finding love here on earth that we aren't showing the love we already have in Him.

Ah, crap, now I feel guilty and lonely. ;)