"Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint."
I don't think I was hopeful enough, because by the end I still felt a little faint. Darn lack of oxygen. Kills me everytime.
*I signed up for intermural volleyball. I did play two years in high school, so I'm not horribly bad... and, silly me, I thought it would be fun. Alas, I was placed on a team of guys (of which I knew none of them). So, here it is, to whom it may concern (ie most of the male population... sorry guys)
I would like to make some things known to those who claim themselves as members of the male species. First, I would like to let you know that I do indeed, exsist. When you hit the ball that was landing directly in my hands or pushed me out of the way to block a ball I was already going to get, I wasn't quite sure you were aware of my presence. I know, you get competitive and worked up... but so do I. I would like some recognition, por favor. You don't have to love me, just realize I am there. Second, if I am there, standing directly where the ball is about to land, let me get it. I do make mistakes... but so do you. I know I'm not as athletically god-like as males, but I am not compltely deficient. Just let me do it, seriously. If you would have set me up, I think you would be surprised to find out that I have a pretty decent spike. I can set if you get me the ball, and my serves are pretty consistant. Third... yes, I'm a girl. I like doing my nails and buying new clothes... but I can also be hard core competitive. Number 5 strengh, check it out. If you would have let me play, I'd like to think I would be an asset to the team. Fourth, I'm sorry, to the team that I played on today. I'm sorry I was placed on your team, and you didn't want me there. I'm sorry that I was an extra, annoying body on the field. I embarassed myself by just standing there. Next time, I will sit on the sidelines like a good girl. I don't belong on the field with guys (almost no sarcasm in that). Forgive me.
*Ah... so I was, uh, a wee bit upset about the volleyball game. ha. I did totally feel invisible, annoying, and a complete hindrence. I just wanted to play volleyball, and I didn't get to actually play. It made me sad.
*The speaker in chapel today at the camp grounds we hiked to was beautifuly and brutally honest. I wanted to hug him. He read a passage in the Bible, explained what radical idea Jesus meant by it, and then shook his head and said he didn't know what to do about it. The end of his sermon was, "I don't know... I don't know." ...THANK YOU! Seriously, it was amazing. He presented this intricate, new, radical idea that he saw in the scriptures, and it was totally hardcore.... but he said, "I don't know what to do about it." What an amazing way to end a sermon. What honesty! When I try and be honest about what I'm feeling or when I don't understand or when I'm falling apart... when I try and be honest about that to other Christians, they freak out! "You're losing your faith." "What are nonChristians going to think if they heard this?" "Are you okay?" Holy smokes, kids, of course I'm not okay. But neither are you! We all have this facade going on. This crappy faith we mask with deeds. Yeah, we believe, but do we act on that belief? Don't judge me because I'm willing to address the issues that you ignore ... and I will try not to judge you because I understand how comfortable ignoring it is. It scares the crap out of me, but I want to seek out Truth... even if it hurts. It scares me because I know it's going to hurt. It already has... but I want real faith, not some generic, sunday-school faith. I don't know how I'm going to get there, and I'm a complete scaredy cat... but if I want it, I have to strip myself and my beliefs down to the core to sort out what is truth and what is us ignoring truth. I also want people around me who are willing to do the same. I want to be able to say, "I don't know," and have someone nod and say back, "Yeah, me either... but that's okay." Beautiful honesty. Hardcore faith. Seeking Truth.
God, help me.
